Let The Push up King In

It was like watching O.J Simpson drive his white pickup truck at a sensible speed away from pursuing police. Patrick Dangerfield was followed from Moggs Creek to Adelaide by the media on his return to his former club for the first time. He was met by a group of commercial radio listeners (better known as wankers) waving placards saying "Stay out Danger". Very sad, oh wait, his name contains the word danger clever word play, hilarious.


The Tigers had the best finish to a game of this season when Sam Lloyd kicked a goal after the siren to with the match by 1 point. Someone who didn't see the dramatic win live was former cult figure and list clogger Jake King. "The Push-up King" told the Press that incoming fans supported him and the one gentleman who didn't now does, although he can't be located to confirm this and his family have asked for information on his whereabouts.


Queensland footy beautiful one day, financially insolvent and irrelevant the next. The poor old Lions are traveling so bad that former Vanilla Ice impersonator Mitch Robinson could win his second best and fairest by himself this year. No joke here, that could really happen.


Travis Cloke watch provided little joy if you’re a Travis Cloke fan, but the other 97% of footy fans would have got a chuckle. Pies VFL coach Dale Tapping told media that windy conditions made things difficult for forwards. The wind must have been traveling quicker than Brad Hill avoiding a physical contest because big Trav missed 5m out directly in front.


The Gold Coast Suns decided to change it up a bit and freshen their injury ravaged list up by going paint balling. What better way to ease the rigors of a brutal game then by hiding behind a pink tank made of reclaimed milk crates only to be repeatedly shot at close range by a large group of males who have a disturbing enjoyment of maiming one of their teammates?

Coat tale stepping Brendon Bolton is taking all the credit for the club Mick built. Bolton who has walked into a "mini dynasty" with his open and honest demeanour, putting in jeopardy the clubs standing in the league by introducing "passion," "game plan," "attacking football" into the players vocabulary. This new age mumbo jumbo threatens to undo all of Malthouse's great work. I hear he spanks the monkey each time he hears players are "enjoying their footy again". Melbourne Zoo has since revoked his all access pass to the Rhesus Monkey enclosure.