Kochie Picks The Next Port Coach

 

It's been a tough start to the season for Port Adelaide. President David "call me Kochie" Koch, put the football department on notice and said that if things don't improve he has an alternative to Ken Hinkley. I'm told that although not going through the traditional assistant coach path, The Cash Cow is ready to go if needed. Although most press conferences will consist of the cow twerking.

The Power has also had to deny rumours of a player rift that has caused the form slump. It's a fairy tale that all players have to be best friends to play on the same team. I played over 300 games and the majority of the blokes I played with hated my guts, I have missed many reunions over the years because of my invitation being "lost in mail", or "you’re a vagrant, with no fixed abode" used as an excuse. I believe it's a concerted effort to whitewash me from the clubs history in much the same way St Kilda and Fremantle have attempted with Zac Dawson.

 

Alex Rance was suspended for two weeks for a cowardly punch to the back of Jack Watts head while he was lying on the ground. What a difference winning makes. A few years ago the Demons briefly considered as a club fund raiser, which every junior club member could pay to punch Jack in the back of the head at the family fun day. The AFL's answer to "Uncle Arthur" Mick Malthouse believes Rance should have been cleared do to his outstanding character and standing in the game. If we apply similar logic, Bob Murphy if he weren't injured, could dry hump a rival in full view of women and children and line up next week.

 

Thomas Bugg decided to give an injured Jack Riewoldt a shove as he was trying to leave the ground. Bugg apologised and said he was embarrassed by his actions. As someone who often targeted injured players I am in the Jonathan Brown school of thought, in that you don't say sorry unless your opponent ends up in hospital. Although if they do end up in hospital, an apology is an admission of guilt so just send them flowers.

 

Mason Cox was the feel good story from the ANZAC clash between Collingwood and Essendon. There was over 85,000 people rejoicing when the lanky yank marked and kicked the first goal of the day. Travis Cloke was later seen sticking pins into a crudely made voodoo doll that looked more like a long legged version of North’s Lindsay Thomas, although to be fair the doll didn’t drop at the knees as much as the Kangaroo’s small forward.