Collingwood's Great White Hope

Not since James Packer and David Gyngell rolled around wrestling in their trackie dacks have I enjoyed more the sight of two big blokes running into each other. Todd Goldstein and Max Gawn provided 2 hours of footy porn for ruck enthusiasts. All around pubs in Australia, any bloke over six foot four was nodding their head in approval at the sight of these beautifully gangly workhorses plying their craft. While over the other side of the country one of their elite brethren Aaron Sandilands was felled when the Eagles Nick Naitanui’s knee crashed into his ribs and punctured his lung. In my playing days I once punctured two lungs in the one game, luckily they were from two separate rib cages, and bravely I played on even though opposition, spectators and even some of my team mates turned on me. If I hadn’t used a nearby small child as a human shield my injuries could have been much worse. As coincidence has it, I ended up in the same hospital, in the same room as the two chaps with the collapsed lungs who I cannoned into earlier in the day. Their shallow breathing that night sounded like two cheap kazoo whistles wheezing completely out of sync, worst night’s sleep ever.

Collingwood have been under pressure this week for a poor start to the year, but in news to make the “great unwashed” inhale the nearest Woodstock can it was reported that in the VFL Jessie White has hit red hot form in his new role as intercepting defender. For those not quite up to the most recent AFL coach speak, this means; “where going to throw you down back and if you can’t get a kick there we will delist you at the end of the season.” Fingers crossed Jessie.

Also talk of Nathan Grima making a “Fairy tale” comeback for the Bombers after retiring mid-season last year for the Roos. My definition of fairy tale maybe be a little different, as I would have thought being plucked out of retirement to play for the Hawks, Swans or Cats and possibly win a premiership are what fairy tales are made of, but apparently its coming to play for a team that have lost twelve of their senior players and lining up in a backline that’s easier to crack than a crème brulee (too much MKR).

Reports that Chris Yarran’s recent foot surgery will allow him to train and play at AFL intensity would have warmed the heart of Tiger supporters, cruel pundits suggesting that a large portionof the playing group should also elect to have the same surgery has been rejected.

This week the match of the round is the Crows taking on the Swans, former Adelaide potential “Power Forward” and now Sydney current “Backup Ruckman” Kurt Tippett is preparing to be booed for reasons other than being overpaid and not great at playing football.

The AFL world was shocked then saddened when fan favourite Bob Murphy went down with a season and possibly career ending knee injury. A Bulldog fan after the game told me that scenario was always his biggest fear. I then told him my biggest fear were zombie sharks, not being a great swimmer and losing the one defence mechanism we have against regular sharks, i.e. poking them in the eye would be useless against the perpetually floating un-dead. Although I didn’t think throwing his drink on me was needed, he was rightfully emotional and I could understand his actions were of a heartbroken man.