THE LONE RUCKMAN, JESSIE'S SAVIOUR?

It's only a few sleeps till the greatest sporting contest in the word starts and already Jessie Hogan's goal kicking has been questioned. Pure coincidence that I had started as his goal kicking coach the week before. Sure he was very accurate last year but with my intense an unorthodox therapy Jessie will never have a clear mind when lining up for goal again. Thanks to me he will constantly think of the consequences of his action, the drop of the ball and the safety of his grandmother. My tip is he will be the better for it.

 In the mean time we've had to survive on current and former AFL players on family TV shows.

Boomer Harvey was a part of the AFL "family" on Celebrity Family Feud, hosted by everyone's favourite loud mouth show off Grant Denyer. He's certainly no Rob Brough, you wonder how he gets laughs with his constant lame jokes until you remind yourself that this is an audience that chose to watch Family Feud live and that their idea of fun is loudly reciting what they see appear on a big screen.

Former Carlton Blue and Yarrawonga Pigeon Brendon Fevola won this years "I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here", he then changed plans and only donated half the prize money to Shane Warne's charity while the other half went to Paul "The Chief" Harrogan's cause. To be fair to Fev, the other half would have been taken up in administration and Warnie's brother's upkeep.

 

Nathan Krakoer found himself with a club imposed 5 week suspension and a broken jaw. I told him joining Charlie Dixon's wine club was a bad idea.

 

The Bombers got some rare negative publicity recently when cheer squad member Mark Robinson compared the plight of Essendon to Fitzroy in its last days as a stand-alone club. Then they copped another whack when it was mooted they should miss out on this year’s ANZAC day clash. Brendon Goddard ditched his usual sunny persona and told of his hurt at the idea, I agree with B.J, what shows the ANZAC spirit better than a cobbled together group of cockeyed optimists, with little chance of victory, whose superiors have led them into a hopeless position.

Channel 10's Mark "Howie" Howard made news this week when he received a text from Sam Mitchell to come for a kick in the park. Unfortunately for Howie, Mitchell meant to text young teammate Daniel "Howie" Howe. It was reminiscent of the time I received a text from a former teammate who asked me to help "polish his undercarriage". I quickly realised he must have meant to send the text to his mechanic. Although I still don't know how or why he was going to get his car in the male toilets at the camping reserve?

 

The Tigers are bringing a fresh new musical talent in Daryl Braithwaite to their match day experience. In the season opener Braithwaite will sing his iconic sing-along "Horses" and at each quarter, 4 horses will do a lap of the MCG whist the crowd belt out the classic. It reminded me of a time when the club employed the services of the late great Ricky May to sing "What A Wonderful World" at halftime. I then accidentally released three if my best polecat ferrets on to the ground which resulted in several Auskickers needing tetanus shots and Rick May tearing his hamstring off the bone while running from my prized ferret, Ferret Bueller. Suffice to say Ricky was a no-show on “Hey Hey It’s Saturday” later that night.

 

With the season about to start I will endeavour to post something each Thursday evening, subscribe to The Lone Ruckman so you don’t miss out.