AN ENCOUNTER WITH BOMBER THOMPSON
This week I tried something different and had a sit down interview with premiership captain and Coach Mark “Bomber Thompson.
TLR: Hi Bomber, The Lone Ruckman here, you can’t..
BOMBER: The Looonnneee RUCKMAN!!! Hmmm.
TLR: Ah, yeah, as I was saying Mark, you have made headlines last week when you spoke of the continued pressure on the Essendon players and how it’s affecting their performance, James Hird said he was flabbergasted by your comments, did that hurt?
BOMBER: Ahhhhhhhh, nah nah …………nah, (giggles) I think he should definitely play on hmmm.
BOMBER: Stevie J
TLR: Ok………..that wasn’t really the question I asked, I asked if
BOMBER: LEAVE HIM ALONE!……. ALL OF YOU!!!
TLR: What? There’s no one else here.
BOMBER: ALL OF YOU!!!
TLR: Ok Bomber we might wrap it up there, thanks for your time.
The Essendon supplement scandal won’t go away, much of the week’s papers have been focused on leaked information about the ASADA investigation with one comment from an unnamed player saying it felt like cement being injected into his backside on one occasion. I think it’s a pretty stupid analogy to use unless it’s actually happened to you. I know what that feeling is like, mischievous teammates injected cement in to my buttock on an end of season trip away, what dreams I had playing at a higher level died in that Fyshwick massage parlour.
The Bombers weren’t the only club to be mentioned in supplement stories, The Dees, it was also alleged had sought the services of Dank. If ever there was a clear example of the dangers of experimental supplement administration we should look no further than the performance of Melbourne in that time. I would cut Jack Watts more slack if I had known his arse had become a 40kg bag of concrete.
The drug scandals in the AFL weren’t even the biggest story in the papers this week; we learnt more about our favourite media recluse Sam Armitage and her battles with jealous female rivals. She was quoted as saying “I seem to be a big target”, lay off the fat shaming Sam, your better than that. She spoke of “stealth dating”, which I imagine is when you dress in full camouflage gear with night vision glasses and become intimate while resembling a shaking native shrub. Sam has also confided when she needs to get away from all the negativity she retreats to her parents property where she belts out Taylor Swifts “Shake it off” using a pepper grinder as a mic. It’s a great way to push out the jive and bring in the love, hard to believe but I also cop my fair share of hate filled abuse on a daily basis and I find the best way to let go of the hurt is not singing along to “Tae Tae” but standing in the front yard only in my undies belting out Rammstein’s “Du Hast”, it does unsettle passers-by though. But poor old Sam is tired of the relentless attention, here’s a thought Sam, don’t waffle on every few weeks to the media about intrusion and fascination with your personal life from the media.
Adam Cooney dodged a bullet by having his case sent straight to the tribunal and still only gets a week; the former Brownlow medallist floored his opponent quicker than a Nick Kyrgios sledge. Speaking of, there is no better way to put off an opposition player kicking for goal. It never worked against me mind you, being able to block out all distractions and focus on dragging my team over the line was just one of my strengths. Also never having a wife/girlfriend/significant other made the quip redundant, jokes on them.
The Richmond Tigers are a unique organisation, they constantly get told when they are playing well they are playing “The Richmond Way” and when they put in a poor performance its “Typical Richmond”. There is no other sporting organisation on earth can lay claim to having towels spontaneously combust, although there are tales of membership cards doing the same.
- The Lone Ruckman