I’ve got a plan boys

Great news for Essendon and James Hird this week as the Bombers coach was cleared of serious injuries when he fell from his bike while riding home from training. Medical reports have said Hird suffered severe concussion and has some short to mid term amnesia, club officials say Hird has no memory of the last few years and will meet with assistant coaches and medical staff about an exciting and boundary pushing supplement program that could give Essendon an edge.

The Match Review Committee has changed its mind more regularly than Dermott Brereton’s stylist, sling tackles one week can get you suspended. While the week after, slam an opponents head in to the ground causing him to be subbed out with concussion, but take the time to put your hand up to alert trainers and your right to line up next week.

Sam Mitchell was fined $1000 for “corking” Nate Fyfe’s thigh, this comes after a similar incident involving Crows captain Tex Walker. More footage emerged of Mitchell making similar contact to GWS high priced back flanker Ryan Griffen, many fans of the game believed that Mitchell should be rubbed out for deliberately kneeing an opponent. What these people don’t understand how skilful the champion midfielder is to be able to cork a player off either knee, with just a shimmy of the hips the diminutive midfielder can fell a foe of just one step. If you weren’t to know you couldn’t tell which is his preferred knee, lack of speed is made up by quickness of the mind and swiftness of the hip flexor.

Ambidextrous Cats skipper Joel Selwood was suspended for a “chicken wing” tackle, in Joel’s defence, being one of four highly competitive brothers who have all played AFL have engrained in him a killer instinct. Selwood agreed it was not a good look for the game and wouldn’t do it again, but why stop there? There are many things that aren’t a good look for the game; Too many players congesting the ball up area, players heavily concussed trying to play on and Cameron Ling.

Collingwood small forward Jamie Elliott copped flack throughout the week for not involving teammates in after goal celebrations and failing to acknowledge assistance in kicking said goal. These critics need to pull their heads in, the best part about playing footy is kicking goals and for those few moments after, feeling far more superior than your teammates. Sure you trot out the cliches on presentation night when receiving the goal kicking award, “these goals wouldn’t have come with out the boys help”, “I’d swap this award for a flag any day” and “This award needs to be shared with everyone who has helped me on my journey.” When really your thoughts should be; “Away from me peasants, bask in my glory,”, “Hope the netballers saw that”, and “If I had the ball delivered properly I would have kicked 150.


- The Lone Ruckman