Its not a manger and I’m not bigger than Jesus………. at this stage.
Conceived on presentation night on the centre bounce area of the Corro Foodworks recreational area and later born in a Hertz rental bus on the end of year netball trip, The Lone Ruckman was soon abandoned and raised by the Corro Chooks Football Club.
Forced to survive on quarter time orange peels and the kindness the canteen committee, this awkward young man rose through the junior ranks winning 6 coaches awards on the way.
Whilst 17 after backing up for second grade on an away game, The Lone Ruckman tasted his first drop of alcohol on the bus trip home. After which he was obligated to mow the bus drivers lawn for the remainder of the season after simulating a sex act on the back of his head while vomiting.
The lone Ruckman played over 300 games of senior football, all of which were in reserve grade. A big game player who thrived in September he was unlucky to be omitted in 7 of 8 grand finals. In the one decider he did play in, The Lone Ruckman played the thankless role of “decoy” ruckman which allowed more predictability for his midfield.
Unfortunately it didn’t help the chooks who went down by a point, inaccurate kicking for goal was blamed in the wash up. Although 3 consecutive 50 metre penalties conceded by The Lone Ruckman after the final siren in which the winning goal was kicked didn’t help.
After the game, in the change rooms The Lone Ruckman tearfully announced his retirement effective immediately. A touching moment that would have been even more poignant if the rest of the team had not already left.
After hanging up the boots, The lone Ruckman became an unofficial assistant ruck coach for the chooks, focusing on quarter time breaks with customary VB can in hand, he sidles up to the young up and comers, his slurred loud whispers a reassuring if confusing call to arms.
Now the man who it is said has done for country football what Ebola has done for African tourism turns his attention to the big boys in the AFL. Each week The Lone Ruckman will hand out his home spun wisdoms with the monotony of Brian Taylor’s use of the phrase “hand candy”.