News that food prices at the MCG are set to be slashed came as welcome news to footy fans this week, news that alcohol prices have remained the same resulted in me burning an effigy of Gillon McLachlan. You will still need a week’s wage to buy a shout of warm, flat mid strength beers.

The first week of the NAB challenge was a bit of a letdown, much like preparing to watch the Saturday night feature of SBS world movies only to find that the nudity that was advertised featured a morbidly obese German man unable to properly clean his “trombone”. We had to once again endure the overly excitable Dwayne Russell constantly use the phrase “big time”, on the plus side the new addition to Fox Footy commentary Jonathan Brown gave great insight from a recently retired champ and immediately made the viewer 40% more masculine by listening to him. Fact!

I have picked out a couple of games of note from last week.


The first game of the year was reigning premiers Hawthorn, taking on a Collingwood side that missed the finals for the first time since 2005 when Adam Lacobucci represented the club with distinction.

This game always seemed to be in the Pies control with the Hawks defence leaking more than my neighbours inflatable companion doll Caprice…that he left at my place…that I use occasionally… a floatation device in the pool. High priced Hawks recruit James Frawley showed his consistency by playing exactly like he did at Melbourne.

Watching a game involving Collingwood is always enjoyable when the camera pans out to the crowd and before you can say the word incest you get to see the unsettling vision the stereotypical Pies supporter, it warmed my heart to see the Tasmanian strain of the Magpie diehard. If you missed it, picture Eric Banna’s character Poida sitting with the crazy cat lady from The Simpsons wearing a pies beanie.


Carlton travelled over to the west without most of their top line midfielders and took the first step without departed spiritual leader Mitch Robinson. The Blues also chose not to bring a forward line which affected their ability to score. Ex Bulldog Liam Jones brought his unique ability to provide a glimmer of hope for a few fleeting moments before crushing it in an orgy of missed timed leads, dropped marks, shanked kicks. Not since Beau Dowler, has a player had the innate ability to be where the ball isn’t.

Some key questions for this weekend’s matches:

Will Colin Sylvia be used as a jumping castle in pre-game fun for the kids?

If Jessie Hogan plays well for Melbourne is there a chance a statue will be cast of him at the MCG?

Will anyone notice the absence of Tom Scully?